Here are more scuba diving jokes that may knock you off your fins!
The things you won’t hear from a dive operator when booking a trip:
- “Hey, you’re the first guest since…’the accident’.”
- “Sorry, we can’t take reservations until last week’s group is found.”
- “Our boats are Reef Diver I and Reef Diver III. Reef Diver II is our first dive for the day, located in 130 feet, five miles out.”
- “We can make you a really good deal if you know something about boat engines.”
- “Don’t worry about the currents, if we don’t find you I’m sure Search and Rescue will.”
- “That whale shark pictured in our brochure is the only one we’ve seen in 20 years of diving here.”
- “No, we don’t have a shark dive, but we do feature a Portuguese man o’ war encounter.”
If Microsoft made dive gear:
- Useless tips would show up on your dive computer every time you turn it on.
- None of your new gear would be compatible with any of your old stuff.
- When you called Microsoft to schedule a dive trip, you would be left on hold for a long time, and when you finally talked to someone you would be given a lot of information on diving that was absolutely correct but completely useless.
- Every dive computer would be from Microsoft and any deaths from them would be explained as a “beta version” problems. Don’t worry, we’ll fix that in the next release.
- Every time you were really close to your destination, your boat would crash.
- Your air supply would stop and have to be restarted every couple of minutes and you would accept this as normal.
When do you need to practice better buoyancy control?
- You insist that you never wear fins because it makes it more difficult to walk on the bottom.
- The only place you can hover is at the surface
- You use 50 psi for breathing and 150 psi for your BC.
- You are certain you went for one dive, but your computer has logged three.
- You think being neutral in the water means that you don’t fight with your buddy.
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